Robyn’s Blog

I too googled companionate marriage.  My google sources tell me that

Definition: A companionate marriage is based on the spouses having mutual interests in their careers and children. Spouses in companionate marriages believe in the equality of men and women and believe their roles in marriage are interchangeable.

Both individuals in a companionate marriage need self-awareness and self-confidence in order for the marriage to be successful. Without trust, friendship, commitment, and shared values, a companionate marriage may be difficult to maintain.

 Along with this nifty quote:

“At the core of a companionate marriage is friendship and trust and the belief that both partners have equal responsibility in all domains of the marriage. They share the economic burdens and child rearing, and they believe that both partners’ sexual needs and wishes should be clearly articulated and fulfilled. They also recognize that when the children are young and career issues are pressing, their own needs as individuals have to be placed on the back burner. These couples know that people living side by side experience inevitable conflicts that must be confronted openly. They understand that mutual commitment is what holds the marriage together.”
Source: The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lastsby Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee, page 155
Apparently, most marriages in America today are considered “companionate marriages.”  As much as having a life companion and a soul mate is a really nice idea,

The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage
50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.”

 Hmm.  Seems like America is not doing so hot with these companionate marriages. But what is the alternative?  Arranged marriages?  Sure, there are fewer divorces in arranged marriages, but that’s becuase the freedom to divorce someone you don’t like kind of goes hand in hand with the freedom to marry whoever you want in the first place.  The vision of marriage has changed so drastically in our country over the years; and that’s not even talking about the varying visions of marriage throughout other cultures around the world.  What is an ideal marriage?

I’m not being rhetorical–I really would like to know.  And if a companionate marriage based on mutual love and friendship and understanding and passion the ideal, at least for Americans; does it even really exist?