I’m writing this at Caribou Coffee, so I probably won’t get a chance to post this to the blog for a while, so if someone else has already discussed these things, I apologize. It seems a lot of us have either experienced ourselves or seen, as Carmen has, a wonderful example of the power of soul mates. I too, have an example of the power of knowing you have or have had a soul mate. During World War II, my great aunt was engaged to man who fought in the war and died overseas. I learned this when I was about 10 or 12 and noticed, after visiting her, she wore a gold engagement ring on a chain around her neck – it was the ring the man had given her. My great aunt has several great male friends during her life, one of whom asked her to marry him several times, but she refused every time. No one, it seems, could fill the place her fiancée had left, and there never could be (or never was) another man. Sometimes she would joke about finding a man to marry at long last, but they were always jokes. After my grandfather’s death I was again reminded of the ring my great aunt wore around her neck, as my grandmother started wearing her husband’s wedding ring around her neck, marking him as the only man she would ever have. My great aunt hasn’t languished because her soul mate is no longer on this earth, but she has waited for over 50 years to finally be reunited with him.
Robyn brought up the relationship between Wilber and Charlotte in class, citing some of the characteristics of their relationship as some of those seen in a soul mate relationship. I think she hit of some important qualities, even though I still think romance, or a romantic, passionate love, is key to a soul mate relationship. Robyn said Charlotte takes some ordinary, Wilber, and makes him magical. But, Wilber makes Charlotte magical and extraordinary too, giving her a purpose and a reason to use her talents. Part of what makes the story so extraordinary is that Charlotte hasn’t spun words into her web before – no one has every seen anything like this before, yet Charlotte has lived on the farm for quite some time. These qualities exist in people as well, as we see in Eben and Jennie’s relationship. Serena said they are both selfish in their relationship, but what I think they’re doing is bringing out extraordinary qualities in each other, the other person’s true potential if you will. Jennie accentuates Eben’s creativity and gives him a reason to use his full ability, while Eben give Jennie a purpose in life, gives her something to look forward to and cling to. And, while their relationship might not always be equal, I think that’s a part of being soul mates, you give what the other person needs, even if, in Jennie’s case, its all you have and you might not be receiving something in the same proportion.
This constancy in face of disproportionate sharing reminds me of penguins. Yet, I know, Eben, Jennie and PENGUINS. But it works, I promise. I’m sure everyone knows that penguins mate for life, but also that the female penguin leaves the male to lay her egg. The male penguin, several weeks later, comes to sit on the egg and keep it warm while the female goes back home to find food. The male does nothing but sit on the egg; they never move, not even to eat. The female travels back into almost another world to get food. If she comes back, she feeds the male and her newly hatched chick. If she doesn’t, more often than not both the male and the chick die. This is not at all unlike Eben and Jennie; Eben needs Jennie and can’t do anything until she knows how she is, where she is, etc. Jennie, the female penguin, is forever on a quest to hurry and return to her man. This concept of leaving and returning is, I think, all over literature. Shakespeare talks about it, Donne writes about it, as does Milton, and even the Bible has stories about this – think about the New Testament, everything after the gospels is about what the disciples did after Christ’s ascension, and, we must remember, Christ was pretty much their soul mate. Oh, and there’s love there, agape love. Agape is frequently translated as “brotherly love,” but I think it is better defined as a selfless, self-sacrificing love. This is the love I believe is necessary to a soul mate relationship. It’s not erotic, or even necessarily romantic love, but a love that is willing to give everything to the other person. In light of this, I wonder if we can read Jennie and Eben as selfish, as Serena thinks we ought. If someone willingly gives you something, and that desire to give is inextricably linked to the nature of your relationship, is it selfish of you to take it, or are you just doing what your love, your nature says is best. Besides, if you don’t take what’s offered, the other person can’t be selfless, you can’t have agape love, and you can’t be soul mates.
While I was at Caribou, I met a woman and her granddaughter. We got to talking, and she told me her husband died when her daughter was three. Ever since, she’s been dating on and off, but she recently re-connected with one of her old high school classmates whose wife had also passed away. Even after years of dating, a re-marriage (which later ended in divorce), and several long-term relationships, after she spent five days with a man she hadn’t seen in 27 years, she said, “he was the first person who made feel like I didn’t want to be alone.” Soul mates? Maybe we ought to wait and see how things work out, but I think this is a pretty good, succinct definition of what soul mates truly are.
And now I just came back from my friend’s senior piano recital, where she played pieces by Chopin, Bach, Beethoven and performed in a jazz trio. Once again, I was stuck by the timelessness of art. Now, I will be the first to admit that not all art is timeless. I’ve been pouring all my time, energy and efforts into my independent study paper and research on the film Bridget Jones’s Diary. Do I think this will be important, considered art, or even watched 75 years from now? No. But I do believe 75 years from now we will still be thinking about Jane Austen’s novels, her social commentary, and the legacy she left the novel. We still teach our children “Ring a Round the Rosey,” a rhyme that comes straight from the time England was infected and overrun with the Black Plague. Maybe, originally, people taught the rhyme to their children so they wouldn’t forget how fortunate they were to survive the plague, but something about it has stuck around; this doesn’t mean that its considered great, but that there is something timeless about it, and, in my mind, proves that there is such a thing as timelessness.
Ha. As I’m adding to this post for the last time “Unstoppable” by The Calling came up on my playlist. If you don’t know the song, look up the lyrics; they’re pretty relevant to the discussion of love and soul mates and all that jazz. Also, I’m sorry this is so freakin’ long.